A Journey To Drink...

It is with permission I repeat this story....... 

I have been drinking alcohol since the age of 14. Yes, 14. I want to clarify. I not only started drinking at the age of 14 but abused it as well. There have been a few occasions where I started drinking, ending with one or two. Most of the time, it ended with me on the floor, around the toilet, in the yard, or anywhere I could vomit privately. My parents were aware of my drinking.  Occasionally, they would offer me a sip or two, and as I aged, I never attempted to stop it.  Before you start the parent bashing, let me set the stage.  It was in the mid-70s, long before MADD.  It was a time when DUIs were basically unheard of officially.  And you must realize, in this country, alcohol is revered.  We worship the shit out of it.  We drink it up on every occasion.  We drink it when someone dies, marries, gets a job, gets fired, etc...  Some literature even suggests it offers up health benefits to the consumer.  So what's the big deal? Well, I am of the opinion it is poison, and no poison is good for the human body.  But before I begin, I want to inform the reader of my position where this "disease" is concerned.   

To begin, I do not feel this is a disease in its initial stages and should be treated as such, not fully. I do feel that for some of us, it is more habituated behavior leading to a disease state.  Neuroscientist Marc Lewis and his book present his theory that challenges the modern-day consensus on drug dependence as a brain disease, arguing that "in reality, it is a complex cultural, social, psychological and biological phenomenon" as described by The National Drug and Alcohol Research Centre (NDARC) Professor Alison Ritter. I would also refer the reader to this article: Why addiction isn't a disease but instead the result of deep learning, by Jenny Valentish, August 2015. What I take from this are keywords such as cultural, social, and psychological.

As I ponder the whys and how comes of our drinking habits, it occurs to me that this is a vicious cycle. A chain of events in which the response to one difficulty creates a new problem that aggravates the original difficulty. Now apply that concept to drinking. What is the reason one drinks? I do not buy the hype that people drink because it tastes so darn good. It is an escape. The reason people do what they do is to escape. We spend an eternity trying to escape.  As humans, we have basic needs. Whatever need that is going unmet at "this" time is what determines our behavior. For example, while driving my boat, I have a HUGE need to feel safe, so I behave accordingly. I pay attention. I DO things that will enhance my personal safety. Taking this same concept, I apply it to my drinking. What unfulfilled need leads to my drinking behavior? I simply do not have any fun. So, I drink because drinking, temporarily, is fun. It creates fun times. I am more verbal, outgoing, bolder, and more of a risk-taker. Now that I have figured out the reason I drink, I apply the vicious cycle theory. A chain of events (all the languishing done by not having any fun) in which the response (drinking) to one difficulty (not having fun) creates a new problem (increased isolation and having less fun) that aggravates the original difficulty (not having fun). And it just goes on and on. Does that make sense? I think one of the most troubling things I have encountered as a clinician is to realize one's pathology, mine or yours, and continue to engage in it. Once you develop insight, identify the problem, realize your response, and then knowingly engage it again, is pathological. This is my rotation. This is my pathology.  

My drinking days are rotational. This means I typically drink every few days. I start with a healthy meal. I do eat healthy 90 percent of the time. I usually walk 4-5 miles daily.  I clean the house, do laundry, and around 2 pm, I make coffee, watch a movie, and at some point, cook dinner. That's my routine on day one of the rotation, and on my drinking rotation, I do the same thing, except when I start dinner that evening, I open the first bottle of wine.  At some point, I have such a good time I open the second bottle. Sometimes I drink it all. Sometimes I open it and leave it. But typically, by the second bottle, it starts to get ugly. Now, before you jump to conclusions, what I mean by ugly is my unique superpowers begin to show themselves. 

The witching hour or devil's hour is a time of night (for me, between 8:00 p.m. and 10:00 p.m.) associated with supernatural events. It is a time when witches, demons, and ghosts are the most powerful. My powers are most effective at this time due to the "two worlds" coming closer together, and the ethereal boundary separating the two becomes thin. Around 8:00 p.m., my superpowers start to manifest. I become more handsome (self-confidence). I am more generous with funds and gifts (philanthropy), and my ability to tell others how the cow at the cabbage is stellar (superior communication skills). As the evening ages, I can see so many things with such daunting clarity (superb insight). When I am exhausted, and most of my power has been spent, my final power comes to fruition. My ability to feel total and complete guiltlessness as I consume all the leftover dinner. I devoured leftovers from dinner because I was too busy drinking to eat when dinner was served. There is no way I will ruin a perfectly good buzz with food. I am not an animal. And right there, there it is...

The following day, my powers are gone, not to mention all hydration from my body. I am filled with regret, remorse, and self-loathing. I scramble outta bed. Whom did I call? Text? Send an email? I am not self-loathing or regretful because I did something awful the night before. I feel this way because I am now concerned to whom did I profess my undying devotion? What promises did I make last night that, minus my powers, I have NO intention of seeing through? 

In a nutshell.  If you are programmed for alcoholism and never take that first drink, you will not get a "disease."  However, if you are predisposed and take that first drink, I caution you, my friend.  The issue is this.  No one thinks it's a problem or disease for the first 20-30 years.  How fast it progresses depends on the length, duration, severity of use, etc...  Regardless, by the time you reach stage 2, you are dangerously close to being in the midst of your illness, and by stage 3, you probably are a goner.  I think the lesson to be learned is this.  It just does not matter.  If booze, sugar, caffeine, or jerking off is interfering in your ability to function "normally" in life, addiction or disease, or just a bad habit, deal with it.  

Dr. B. Wise, 

The Master Therapist.